Breakups can be devastating, but they are especially crushing when they feel unexpected. The confusion and heartache that comes with being dumped for what seems like "no reason" can leave people searching for answers. Fortunately, one Chicago-based artist has provided a fascinating explanation in a viral video titled "Science."

Jennifer Reardon explains why women end relationships seemingly out of the blue, drawing on personal and relayed experiences. Using a cleverly designed diagram, she highlights the things that men do (or don't do) that significantly impact women's perceptions of them. She shows why certain behaviors can make women feel undervalued and cause them to lose attraction to their partners. With over 13 million views, Jennifer's video promises real answers, simplified below.

Jennifer's Viral Video Uncovers the Unexpected Truth

Relationships are like rollercoasters—they have their ups and downs. Unfortunately, some don't make it to the end of the ride, and there could be many reasons why. Regardless, many relationships just can't withstand the test of time.

But while studies have shown that one of the biggest reasons they fail is due to a lack of communication, it's not always the case. In fact, sometimes, there might be very open communication, and things still fall apart. It's precisely the scenario Jennifer's viral video explains.

Next: Why do women dump men out of the blue?

The Complex Needs of Women

Breaking up is hard to do, so what drives women to end their relationships, supposedly out of the blue? According to a few studies, women are more likely to call it quits when they feel emotionally unsupported.

Women have complex needs, and anyone who wants to keep their partner happy has to listen to her. While a number of guys know this in theory, they don't seem to understand what it entails in reality. However, Jennifer's video has painted a vivid picture.

Next: The science of breakups

A Fixable Problem

While not every girl cares about getting morning messages, texts like these can keep love alive. It shows that their partner cares and wants to stay connected from the start of the day. So, imagine being in a happy relationship, but the absence of a good morning text becomes a tiny problem.

The girlfriend shares that receiving such messages would mean a lot to her. And being a loving partner, her man happily agrees. A simple fix, right? But here's where things stop being simple.

Next: The real issue with the morning text.

The Impact of Unfulfilled Commitments

The good morning text in itself is just an example. It could be anything that matters to the woman. The real problem is when the man agrees to do something that has been clearly communicated as important but then fails to follow through.

It might seem like something trivial, but not for women whose love language is words of affirmation. They find joy in receiving kind words, encouraging messages, love notes, and adorable texts.

Next: The reason he doesn't send the good morning texts.

Does He Not Care?

Apparently, the guy in the relationship doesn’t send the morning texts because he doesn’t care. Well, not necessarily, but that’s precisely what the woman begins to think. Now that’s a bigger problem.

But instead of assuming the worst, she wants to give her man a chance and reminds him about their agreement. This is a critical point because not following through after the reminder will only confirm what she assumed—he doesn’t care enough.

Next: Things begin to spiral out of control.

Decoding Some Relationship Conflicts

It‘s common to hear that women nag. And experts believe it’s because they are more sensitive to early signs of problems in a relationship. This illustration puts that into perspective.

Now that she has enough reason to believe her partner doesn't care, she begins to translate that into more aspects of the relationship. She starts to pick fights about things that wouldn't ordinarily be issues. If your girlfriend keeps picking fights, there's likely an underlying unresolved issue that she's trying to communicate.

Next: The major breaking point.

When Fights Erode Attraction and Care

Jennifer went further to explain that through all the picking of fights, the girlfriend still loves her partner and wants to be with him. In fact, it's likely why she is fighting. Sometimes, women fight with their partners because they still care.

However, if the root of the problem is not dealt with, it eventually reaches a breaking point. All those seemingly little things she picks fights about become unattractive qualities of her partner that remind her he doesn’t care. Now, she finds him unattractive.

Next: The fate of unattractive guys.

Arguments Drown Out Love

Unfortunately, things get worse than ever, and the guy may not be able to figure out why. Now it’s not even about whether he cares or whether he sends the morning texts or not. It’s about her not liking him anymore.

When fights occur too often in a relationship, a woman may reach a point where she no longer feels the urge to stand up for herself. The overwhelming tension and arguments can become too much to bear and cause her to shut down.

Next: And after she shuts down…

Emotional Disconnect

The relationship is over. At this point, the guy should just be waiting to get dumped. What’s even more mind-blowing is that up until the breakup, he may have had no idea that the relationship was in trouble.

Interestingly, according to a 2011 post on Broadblog, men often fail to anticipate a breakup because they lack an emotional connection with their partner. And clearly, as Jennifer has shown, even more than a decade after, that still holds true.

Next: Is it never too late to reconcile?

She Just Doesn’t Like Him Anymore

Despite the man not meeting his girlfriend’s emotional needs, he still doesn’t want to lose the relationship. But when he asks why, the list is endless and sounds familiar. Unfortunately, even though he promises to start doing all those things, it’s a little too late because the problem now is that she simply finds him unattractive and doesn't like him anymore.

While some women may be willing to rebuild trust with their ex-partner, others may find it too difficult or even impossible to do so.

Next: Did she really just dump him, or is there more to it?

The Weight of Relationship Mistakes

According to a consumer poll conducted on behalf of Yelp, it takes roughly 3.5 months for a woman to recover from a breakup on average. It's hard to imagine they willingly choose to go through that. As Jennifer’s video explained, it’s usually a gradual and slow process that leads up to the breakup.

But because the guy doesn’t think those little things are enough for a split, he concludes it was for no reason. Well, relationship experts say most men only realize they messed up one month to six weeks afterward.

Next: Could it have gone differently?

The Simplest Form of Love

Psychology professor James V. Cordova argues that attention is the simplest form of love. People divide their attention among so many things in their daily lives that relationships are often neglected. Relationship coach Katherine Jane also emphasizes that paying attention to each other allows the relationship to grow and keeps distance at bay.

Neglecting one’s partner's needs may be interpreted as a lack of care or appreciation, which is a bigger problem in the scheme explained by Jennifer's video.

Next: How people received the video.

Misunderstandings are Common in Relationships

Several women flooded Jennifer’s comment section, agreeing with her analysis on the matter. One even claimed the video helped her finally understand why she broke up with her own boyfriend.

Misunderstandings in couples arise due to each person's unique perspective on life, shaped by their past experiences, personality, and preferences. It's essential to handle them promptly to avoid damaging relationships.

Next: Transactional trust: the building blocks of relationships

Power of Consistency and Reliability

One commenter who also resonated with Jenifer's video related it to the concept of transactional trust, coined by British author Jay Shetty. The concept is based on the idea that trust in relationships is built on small, consistent actions rather than grand gestures.

It emphasizes the importance of following through on commitments, being reliable, and showing up for the other person. By focusing on these small actions, trust can be built and strengthened over time.

Next: Neurodivergent people in relationships.

Understanding Neurodivergent Relationships.

Someone else who could relate mentioned something about neurodivergent people and dealing with anxious attachment. Neurodivergent refers to individuals with differences in how their brains work, like those with ADHD. Each person is unique, with their own way of thinking, learning, and behaving.

A guy with ADHD might unintentionally tune out during conversations or mindlessly agree to things without remembering, like sending morning texts, causing their anxiously attached girlfriend to feel neglected and undervalued. And above all else, anxiously attached people need to feel loved and valued.

Next: Beyond the good morning text

It's Not Really About The Good Morning Text

One Farrah Santiago made it a point to remind people that the video wasn't emphasizing the good morning text as the reason for the breakup. It may sound silly, but some people could misinterpret it that way.

Even though sending a good morning text to one's partner can be a powerful way to demonstrate support and affection in a relationship, it is not a must-have for every couple. The most important thing is paying attention to what matters to her.

Next: Why effort in relationships matters.

The Significance of Making an Effort

A few of the comments seemed to come from personal experience. Cara, for example, was of the opinion that men just think they don't need to do anything once they get the girl. And she had a point. There are many possible reasons for that, but ultimately they all signal to the woman that she isn't important.

Making an effort is a crucial component of building a happy and healthy relationship. Without the investment of time and energy, it's easy to lose interest in each other.

Next: Unveiling a Woman's Needs.

Conversation Nurtures Connection

Some women acknowledge that they can be complicated at times, but their needs are simple once understood. Some attribute their complexity to the consistent hormonal changes they experience monthly. Although this can make them appear unpredictable and inconsistent, it doesn't necessarily mean they are uncertain about their desires.

When a man makes an effort to understand and support them, it can be beneficial. Engaging in conversation is a crucial approach to comprehending a woman's needs and desires. Anyone seeking a deeper understanding of a woman must be willing to inquire and ask her questions.

Next: Ever heard of the light-switch effect?

The Lightswitch Effect

Jennifer's video touched on many related concepts. And in Lucent’s response, it was clear he had drawn a link between the woman’s actions and the famous idea called the light-switch effect.

The light-switch effect is when a woman suddenly believes that the relationship was never good, even if she was in love a month ago. This happens because women use their emotions to define reality. When a woman is no longer attracted to you, she may believe that the relationship was always bad.

Next:

Constant Fights Reflect Deeper Issues

It’s important to understand that a woman having constant little fights with her boyfriend usually reflects a deeper issue. For the woman in Jennifer’s example, all the little fights were not the real issue. Choosing to argue over those things sidelines the real problem and solves nothing.

According to marriage therapist Nicole Richardson, when we avoid saying hard things, we may blow up small things instead of feeling the emotions we've been bottling up.

Next: What happens when a relationship is given an ultimatum

Things Don’t Change Unless You Do

In some cases, the men are just begging to be broken up with. Because when communication is as clear as Megan showed in her comment, the ball is now in the man's court. When a woman asks for specific changes in her partner's behavior, it’s better not to get defensive or deflective.

Things don’t just fix themselves. Expecting that she would suddenly get over something that hasn’t changed is illogical. Long-distance relationships are difficult enough. It wouldn’t seem worth doing for someone who doesn’t listen or compromise.

Next: Sometimes, testosterone is a problem in relationships.

Men, Too, Can Be Complicated

The general consensus is usually that women are pretty complicated, but men can also be hard to understand. Sadie couldn’t understand why after many women agreed with Jennifer’s video, some men still insisted they were wrong. It’s not all that surprising, though.

In 2017, new research suggested that men with higher levels of testosterone tend to rely more on their intuitive judgments and use less self-reflection. It makes them more impulsive and supports the belief they are definitely right even when they’re not.

Next: The power of being expressive

Say What You Want in a Relationship

Although many agreed with Jennifer’s take, there were a few who didn’t. One man, in particular, was of the opinion that having to tell the guy to be thoughtful was counterproductive.

But according to psychologists, being expressive about one's needs is a powerful tool to resolve conflicts without resorting to hurtful words that could push a partner away. Being vulnerable allows them to understand and empathize with you on a deeper level. And this works both ways.

Next: Unveiling the other side; why men walk away.

The Cycle of Conflict

Following the tremendous feedback from the online community, Jennifer posted a similar video elaborating on the reasons why men end their relationships with their girlfriends. She began from where the girl in her original video started picking little fights with her man.

No one wants to be in conflict in their relationship constantly, so the guy starts trying harder to address those little fights. He gives more compliments, isn’t late to dinner—even makes her a romantic dinner—but the fights don’t stop. She’s only temporarily happy.

Next: What makes the man stop trying

A Temporary Band-aid

Unfortunately, despite the man’s efforts, the real problem has not been addressed. And according to Jennifer's video, it's just like putting a temporary band-aid over the wound, so he might still find his girlfriend picking little fights over other things.

Many men begin to feel like nothing they do is good enough when they find it challenging to comprehend how to meet their partner's emotional needs. And when they feel that way, they stop trying. But apart from the scenario Jennifer portrayed, men break up with women for several other reasons.

Next: Connecting through communication

Valuing Men's Thoughts and Perspectives

When it comes to communication in a relationship, men want to be understood. They want someone to listen to them and appreciate what they say. But sometimes, they end up with a partner who doesn't value their thoughts. Men may not always be correct, but their opinions matter.

Joseph Hindy on Lifehack talked about how much it meant to him when his girlfriend really listened to him. It made him feel better and closer to her than even his buddies could.

Next: How female friendships affect relationships with men.

Impact of Friendships on Relationship Dynamics

Men may break up with their girlfriends if they feel like their partners prioritize their single friends' opinions over theirs. While it's important to maintain friendships, single ones who interfere in relationships can cause issues. Just as women want their partners to have their own thoughts when hanging out with friends, men want the same.

It's okay to discuss relationships with friends and family, but women should be cautious about the advice they take. Input from loved ones can be valuable, but remember, it's just that—input.

Next: Should family be involved in romantic relationships?

Boundaries Promote Healthy Relationship Dynamics

In relationships, it's important to maintain boundaries and keep private matters between partners. Men often end relationships when they feel their girlfriends involve their families too much. Sharing every argument and disagreement with family and friends may cause issues and discomfort in the relationship.

Sometimes, parents or friends can become too involved and interfere with the couple's space. To avoid this, it's essential to establish rules and boundaries with family members, such as requiring them to call before visiting.

Next: When trust is hanging by a thread.

Consequences of Doubt and Insecurity

Trust is crucial in relationships. We expect people on parole to provide detailed accounts of their whereabouts and who they've been with, but a relationship should have more trust than that. If a man feels constantly doubted and interrogated without any valid reason, he won't stick around for long. This usually stems from deep insecurities.

When trust is lacking, baseless accusations and suspicions arise, even without evidence, creating unnecessary conflict. The relationship becomes strained, and it damages the bond between partners.

Next: Introducing the hero instinct in men.

The Hero Instinct in Men

Men want more than just physical intimacy in a relationship. They want to feel valued and needed. When a partner constantly demonstrates independence, it may make a man feel useless in the relationship—not because independence is a bad thing.

As psychologist James Bauer describes it, the Hero instinct highlights the desire for men to feel needed and to care for their partner. Allowing a man to feel like a hero taking care of his partner can result in greater happiness and satisfaction for both individuals.

Next: Dependent or independent women; what do men want?

Striking a Balance—Dependent Yet Self-Sufficient Partners

It's like men should pick a struggle; do they want an independent woman or a dependent one? But it's never strictly one or the other. Most men appreciate a balanced approach in relationships, desiring confident and self-sufficient women who still prioritize them.

Being treated as babysitters or solely responsible for their partner's well-being is undesirable. Men value women with independent opinions and who challenge them, as it keeps the relationship engaging. They enjoy taking care of their girlfriends but also value that they can make choices without constant reliance on them.

Next: No one likes constant criticism.

The Toll of Constant Criticism

When a man often questions whether his girlfriend has anything positive to say about him, then there's a problem. While it's true that everyone makes mistakes, it would be nice to receive some recognition too. This isn't about treating men like children seeking validation. The truth is, constant criticism becomes exhausting.

Excessive criticism in a relationship is detrimental. It erodes positive emotions, undermines trust, and leads to destructive behaviors. Regular criticism can even be a sign of an impending breakup, according to research by The Gottman Institute.

Next: Are all past mistakes forgivable?

The Importance of Forgiveness

Holding onto past mistakes and constantly reminding men of their faults can strain a relationship. Men often break up with their girlfriends when they feel that forgiveness hasn't truly been granted. Both partners should strive to learn from their mistakes and move forward together.

Continually dwelling on the past can create an environment of resentment and hinder the growth of the relationship. It's essential to focus on building a positive future rather than rehashing past grievances. Open communication and understanding are vital in maintaining a healthy relationship.

Next: Dealing with your boyfriend’s immature friends.

Criticizing a Man's Friends

A man can be put off in a relationship when they feel their friends are being overly criticized by their girlfriend. It's essential for women to recognize that their man's friends are separate individuals with their own qualities. He knows them well, including any negative traits they may have.

Continually making negative comments about them can reflect insecurities and a lack of trust. Instead, it's better she focuses on building a solid connection with her partner and maintaining a positive relationship independent of his friends' actions.

Next: What it means to be mutually invested.

Reciprocal Interest

Reciprocal interest is a crucial psychological factor in relationships. When one person loses interest, it significantly impacts the dynamic. This was seen in the case of one relationship when a strong connection existed, but one person suddenly lost interest, leading to a lack of passion and vibrancy.

Even after they reconnected and became intimate, it did not restore the initial spark. It highlights the importance of mutual investment and active engagement for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Next: One man’s story dealing with emotional abuse.

Abuse and Addiction in Relationships

It's been said that the psychological toll of abuse and addiction can push someone to their breaking point. A man shared his story of moving across the country with his girlfriend, hoping for a life together. Yet, he endured emotional and verbal abuse, even narrowly escaping physical harm.

Despite trying to reason with her, even therapy couldn't break through the cycle. Then one day, he woke up and realized the love had vanished. Without love, there's no will to make things work.

Next: What makes love downsize to simple friendship?

When Feelings Vanish Overnight

Love can be an enigma, as one man experienced when he woke up to find it had vanished overnight. The feelings he once had for his girlfriend transformed into just friendship. It was like a car trying to start without fuel, a futile attempt at reigniting what was lost.

Psychology teaches that a sudden loss of interest may arise from discovering conflicting values or goals. Communication becomes crucial in such moments. While love can fade, it typically happens gradually rather than abruptly.

Next: Should women in relationships have male friends?

Feeling Overshadowed in a Relationship

The demise of love can be triggered by the feeling of being overshadowed. A man recounted the moment he realized he no longer loved his girlfriend. Concerned about her closeness with a male friend, he hoped for understanding. However, she fiercely defended their relationship, neglecting his feelings entirely.

While men and women can maintain platonic friendships, psychotherapist Dana Dorfman suggests that emotional attraction often exists. It becomes challenging to avoid contemplating a deeper connection, and that's part of her boyfriend's fear when he isn't prioritized.

Next: An emotional disconnect—how to deal.

The Silent Disconnect

When one person disconnects emotionally, it can signal the beginning of the end for a relationship. A man admits he has ended relationships by withdrawing from the relationship entirely rather than initiating a breakup. This type of behavior can stem from an avoidance of confrontation and a desire to avoid causing harm to the other person.

However, it can also lead to confusion, resentment, and mistrust. Relationships thrive on connection and communication, so a lack of effort and engagement can cause significant damage.

Next: Relationships are not for filling voids.

Challenges of Being a Void-Filler in a Relationship

In relationships, the burden of filling emotional voids can become overwhelming. A man reflected on his experience with a girlfriend who seemed to seek something to fill an emptiness within herself. It became a weight he couldn't bear, as he realized he couldn't fulfill that role.

Despite her not being at fault, he felt guilt for falling out of love and reducing his commitment. Being in a relationship as a void-filler can be challenging, especially if you desire a deeper connection.

Next: Can one reconnect after losing emotions?

Becoming Emotionally Distant

Like a sudden switch, people can become emotionally distant from their partners. One man explained that it felt as if he had shut off his emotions entirely, leaving him and his girlfriend in a state of disconnect. One reason for this can be distrust.

Trust plays a significant role in maintaining emotional closeness, and once it's shattered, distance can quickly grow. Infidelity or a lack of openness can take away trust; however, these periods of disconnect are not necessarily permanent and can be resolved if both partners are ready to rebuild the connection.

Next: Can you deal with a partner who insults you?

Disrespect and Insults in Relationships

Breaking up with someone who disrespects and insults their partner can be a difficult decision, but ultimately people do it because it's necessary for their well-being. Research has shown that being in a negative relationship can have a significant impact on mental and physical health.

According to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology, negative relationship interactions can lead to depression, anxiety, and physical health problems. It's important to prioritize yourself, even if it means ending a relationship that isn't working out.

Next: Sometimes, people just fall out of love.

Falling Out of Love

The loss of emotions towards a partner can be a devastating revelation. Imagine a man looking at his girlfriend, once a source of stirring emotions, but feeling emptiness instead. Falling out of love is a complex journey, and relationships can end because of it.

It's a reminder that love alone won't be enough to sustain a relationship. Experts suggest that maintaining a healthy partnership requires ongoing effort and personal sacrifice from both individuals involved.

Next: The unforgivable sin.

The Impact of Infidelity on Relationships

One common cause for guys ending relationships is when they find their girlfriend sneaking around with another man. Such a discovery can inflict considerable pain, as evidenced by a man in a committed relationship who lost his love for his partner upon learning of her infidelity.

Sneaky behavior in adults encompasses acts of deceit and dishonesty, ranging from trivial lies about one's whereabouts to the more profound betrayal of infidelity. These actions erode the fundamental trust essential to a relationship.

Next: What men really want in a partner.

Men Just Want to be Appreciated for Who They Truly Are

Men often desire to be seen and appreciated for their true selves beyond their accomplishments and societal expectations. They want a partner who values them for who they are, not just for what they can provide.

Men often struggle with expressing their emotions, so it's crucial for their partner to understand their moods and behaviors. That way, one can be there for them during challenging times without overwhelming them. It's about showing genuine understanding and care.

Next: Individual interests in relationships.

Respecting Boundaries in Relationships

Respecting a man's need for personal space and time to pursue his individual interests is crucial. It's essential to avoid being excessively clingy or intruding upon his privacy, such as snooping through his phone without permission. Relationships end because of that.

Allowing each other space within a relationship creates room for uniqueness and keeps shared moments exciting. By establishing healthy boundaries and maintaining independence, trust can flourish, and couples can maintain a strong connection.

Next: Thrilling relationships can be dangerous.

Navigating Short-Lived Thrills

Short-lived love stories can start off with intense feelings and grand gestures from a man who is completely invested. He can make the woman feel secure and cherished. However, these relationships can be deceptive, as they often lack a solid foundation.

Some of these men just enjoy the chase and the thrill of pursuing someone new. Once the excitement fades, they may lose interest and end the relationship abruptly. It's important to approach such relationships cautiously and ensure there is a genuine emotional connection.

Next: Can men really do long distance?

Long-Distance Relationships Can Be Difficult

Long-distance relationships can be challenging; studies suggest they have a higher risk of ending. One key reason for breakups is when partners fail to prioritize spending time together in person or making future plans.

Research indicates that couples in long-distance relationships who don't actively work towards living in the same city face greater distress, communication issues, and lower relationship satisfaction. Partners need to make an effort to bridge the distance and maintain a sense of shared goals and commitment.

Next: The truth about physically incompatible couples.

How Physical Connection Shapes Relationships

A lack of physical compatibility can be a significant factor in relationship breakups. While physical intimacy isn't everything, it plays a vital role in a relationship. Science has proven that it releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding, trust, and feelings of love.

Satisfaction in the bedroom also enhances emotional intimacy between partners. Those with mismatched libidos and an unwillingness to compromise on carnal matters are likely to end their relationships. But beyond a physical connection, most relationships can be salvaged if couples pay attention to their love languages.

Next: What it means when a partner needs affirmation.

How Affirmation Shapes Relationships

While words of affirmation are a crucial aspect of many romantic relationships, the lack of them can also be a significant factor in breakups. If someone's love language is words of affirmation and they don't receive the verbal expressions they crave, they may feel unappreciated and unloved.

To make someone with this love language feel valued, psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz recommends communicating often and keeping it simple. Regular communication, such as texting or calling throughout the day, can nurture their emotional needs.

Next: Actions speak louder than words—sometimes…

Acts of Service

For those who appreciate acts of service, actions speak louder than words. It means they feel most loved when their partner does things for them. Most times, these are physical things that make someone feel cared for.

This could mean helping out with household chores, running errands, or doing something kind without being asked. To make someone with this love language feel appreciated, even small gestures, like making them a cup of coffee or tea, can go a long way.

Next: How frequently should gifts be given?

The Power of Thoughtful Presents

When it comes to love languages, some individuals place a high value on receiving gifts. These tangible items hold significance for them. It could be traditional presents like roses or jewelry, but it's also essential to consider what your partner truly desires.

To express love to someone who appreciates gifts, frequent small gestures can be more meaningful than rare extravagant ones. Show thoughtfulness by selecting items that reflect their interests and preferences. And don't forget the presentation—beautiful gift wrapping is the icing on the cake.

Next: What quality time actually means.

Uninterrupted Moments of Connection

People who value quality time in a relationship crave genuine, undivided attention from their partner. They want to spend quality time together, which means focusing on each other and not getting distracted by other things. This includes putting down the phone and turning off the TV.

With partners like this, it's crucial to actively listen, make eye contact, and have meaningful conversations after activities. To show care, set aside dedicated time for them, and limit work-related discussions.

Next: Clarifying the frequently misunderstood language of physical touch

Nurturing Love Through Contact

For those whose love language is physical touch, feeling loved comes through contact with their partner. Hugs, kisses, and holding hands can make them feel desired and valued. Physical touch goes beyond carnal intimacy; it's about affection and comfort. When a partner responds to physical touch, be sure to offer plenty, especially during times of distress.

Non-carnal touches like gentle caresses and cuddling are also essential to meet their emotional needs. Remember, for them, the physical connection is a powerful expression of love and care.